Last Vapor
Maturing in Christ

It all started one day during prayer when I read Psalm 32:9 which says, “Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.”

I felt like God gave me a revelation that He was starting something new in my spiritual walk. That he wasn’t going to be sovereignly forcing me to walk with Him but wanted me to be disciplined enough to set my face like flint (ref. Isaiah 50:7) toward Him. I knew this was coming but I didn’t realize how it would truly manifest itself.

During the following couple months one of the old Keith Green songs really stood out to me called Grace by Which I Stand which can be heard by visiting The song opens by saying, “Lord, the feelings are not the same, I guess I’m older, I guess I’ve changed. How I wish it had been explained that as you’re growing you must remember that nothing lasts except the grace of God by which I stand.”

As this started to marinate into my soul I realized how feelings really do change as you begin to mature in Christ. When I was a child I relied on the feelings to know that God was close. I wanted to literally feel His presence everywhere. The truth is I still want to FEEL Him because there is no better feeling in the world than His presence.

I thought practically how when I was a child when I was near my dad those feelings are what kept me feeling secure and safe. Whenever dad was around nobody could hurt me! I needed that feeling because it taught me how to trust my dad. When you grow up you leave your dad’s house and become a man. You no longer need to feel the presence of your dad all the time because you are grown and matured but you know that if you ever need dad he will be there for you without question.

The truth is I have relied on feelings for quite some time. When I moved to California there has been this gnawing thought in my mind… I don’t feel you God! Something is wrong… am I not seeking you like I used to? What am I doing wrong? Yet my heart has never been more aligned with His word. I have disciplined myself to draw near to God. Not out of obligation but out of love. Something wasn’t lining up. I’ve been meditating on this yearning for revelation the past couple weeks and Dad showed up with this sermon today:

David Wilkerson - Don’t Judge God by your Feelings

Part I -

Part II -

And it clicked that my desire for feelings to gauge my spiritual walk is very fleshly. God requires us to live by faith, not by sight or feelings. The whispers of the enemy have been creeping in and God has been faithful to teach me that I am no longer a horse being led away by bit and bridle. My face is set like flint and I know now more than ever that Dad is with me whether I feel it or not.


I love you Lord…

For helping me find a new church last weekend.

For blessing me with an amazing family.

For the stunning woman in my life.

For my job, my friends, and my health.

Externally some people might look at me and think that I have it all.

While I am so thankful for the things that I have the reality is that the one thing I am missing is more of You. I am so grateful for this journey that You have me on. Thank you for choosing me even though I have let You down numerous times. I can’t wait to get closer to You this year my God.


When things are peachy keen it’s easy to say you have faith because you can see the good before your very eyes.

I sometimes go through various trials that leave me deprived at a place where I require all of the faith within to bring me through to the other side.

I realize that everyone has their own giants to face. For some it’s finances and for others it’s personal but God has something to say about faith worth mentioning:

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1

The apostles cried out to Jesus at one point screaming, “Increase our faith!”

I need faith too… the kind that moves mountains. The kind that keeps my balance in check. The kind that sees joy when there is none.

Faith in Jesus is the premise of the Christian faith.

Today I ask the Lord the same, “Increase my faith!”


I love my company, it’s built on people who don’t talk, they just do.

I’m tired of talking too.

“I’m going to get right with you God.”

“I’m never going to do that again.”

Reminds me of Matthew 21:28-30,

28 “What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ 29 And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went. 30 And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go. 31 Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them,“Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you. 32 For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him.

Jesus too was all about being about it instead of talking.

I am OK with being a doer at certain things. I’m good at being a doer on the job. Good at being a doer in regards to relationships. I want to be a doer in 2 things this year:

- My relationship with God

- My entrepreneurial exploits

It is time for me to be a doer in every aspect of my life. Today I want my life to count for eternity… time to do.

Audrey Assad - Show Me

Audrey Assad - Show Me

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I’ll illuminate the path You’ve laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me

Everyday, move forward…

I’m almost 2 months into 2012. No apocalypse yet.

I have 10 more months to go and my goal is to be more on fire for God than I have in my entire life. Some of the things that I’m working on in myself right now are:

- Deep character (the kind where you don’t even cut the slightest corners)

- No compromising (Christian values, commitments, and goals)

- More humility

I have asked Ashlie what she feels like I need work on and she has helped me see some of my own flaws… it makes me happy because I already saw them in myself but wasn’t really ready to make a change about it.

I’m also going through some personal trials right now. Things I would typically mention but due to certain circumstances it shall remain private… but I need your prayer, that God’s will will be done with minimal collateral damage.

These last few days have been spent on my knees asking God to pour out Himself even more to me. To touch this heart of mine and to make it His forever. So tired of peaks and valleys and it’s time to flat line. Tired of the sprints ‘n walks… ready for the full blown marathon of faith.

So what’s the last vapor? It’s living this life like everyday is your last. Afterall, tomorrow is not guaranteed so I always want to be in good standing with the Lord.